The End of the Year

So many things have happened, and so many things had stayed the same. I was crazed and stressed then switched off the work light I had been doing for 6 years.
My writing and eating and this experience of blogging was a passion. A labor of love. Even with one follower and friends reading it from time to time.
I had been working a day job, retail, management for Capezio, a Dance Store. A lovely dance store. But after years of working long hours, going above and beyond. Subjecting myself to the scrutiny of superiors with far less experience than a stock boy. Yet they would come to me for advice and guidance and I would happily offer what I could. To only be bypassed for advancement and recognition too many times.
After 6 years of achieving all I know I would, I left.
This Bar girl was relying on the Bar to cover my NYC rent and NYC life.
I went to do some marketing for Webster Hall...a lovely place, but a bigger mess that Capezio. I still offer free lance work. But when I present them with a Tony Award party for one of the Hottest new Musicals on Broadway, Priscilla Queen of the Desert. They couldn't do the party, or even give me a price quote.
I now am pursuing my Marketing business. I don;t pursue it often, and my self doubt has made me lazy and complacent.
This year I found more time on sophie the sofa and watching Stevie the TV. Working at the bar as often as I could and taking on the lifestyle of that industry. Getting home 2 or 4 in the morrning. Starting my day at 2. Sleeping til noon. Although I would still wake up at 7...that internal clock I can't seem to shake unless I'm totally hungover or still drunk at 7 AM.
My daily life was hours of bad TV. I can explain all episodes of How I met your Mother. Real Housewives of almost all the cities, The Kardasians and Top Chef's. Those people became my friends and social life for a good part of 2011. I love Marshall Erickson. I would probably date Barney. And I'm wondering what to get for Lily's baby. I get a little concerned that Padma may be losing too much weight and want to slap most of the real Housewives. Well actually all of the real housewives.
I was on a slippery slope.
Other than work at the bar and shopping for food. I did very little.
My restaurant reviews were becoming non-exisitent. Mostly for lack of cash. So, my cooking skills became more challenged.
Living in Sunnyside Queens life is home. It's families. Now families live in Manhattan. I know its true because I had seen them.
Its a bit quieter here in Sunnyside. The buildings aren't as tall. And yes. It is sunny.
I cook here. I have a real kitchen and not just a 2x2 counter.

So all this cooking has made me fatter. Hard to believe since I ate pretty rich foods when I would go out all the time.

I have mastered a few dishes and never have unhappy visitors.

After this entry was started I left in the middle.
Joining it now. my life changed many more times.
Webster Hall is closing. Another life time establishment. Icon of the city. Bad management and high rents. I didn't stay but a month or so. There was no direction and I could see why they weren't doing well. I left and bartended full time and then eventually was offered a great job as GM at Grishko. I was back in dance. That was for about 2 yrs...then the Judy curse struck and as the GM's before me...I was the 3rd to get the boot because this woman thinks she is Queen. I left unemployed for a few months. Then became a Pookie Girl.
That was good for almost 3 yrs.
Now I get to sit all day in pretty little clothes. Work with pretty people in suits and polished nails.

Food is the only thing that has always stuck. So here I am again.

I have been told I talk alot. Or rather I talk ALL THE TIME !! I do, it's true. I talk about food I talk about my city about relationships and life. The purpose of this Blog originally was to talk about all the amazing food I love. The places I started going to when I worked at the Back Fence with Jen. Jen was the Tuesday night bartender and I was the Tuesday night waitress. Before work we would meet to get something to eat. The Back Fence, the World Famous Back Fence was located on Bleecker and Thompson. The heart of Greenwich Village. Not East not West...basically smack dab in the middle. 2 blocks south of Washington Square, which is my favorite square in the entire city. So much diversity. People watching was the best in 70's. The fashion the hair the colors. 70's were a time of inspiration. Discovery and wonder. The Square would always be filled with hippies, flower children, suits, artists, musicians and families. I went there after acting class at Lee Strasburg. Spring saturday's in the park. I can't really remember what time of year it was but it was 1974. I left NY in 1975 for Southern California. A different life. I was to be an actress, entertainer. I know...I was in NYC the theater Capital of the world. Acting was like breathing. Feeling was first. The city was Art, drama, comedies, magic, and it scared the poop outta me. Being the last kid of 3 during my parents divorce wasn't the kind of drama I wanted. I preferred Williams or Shakespeare or Miller. I liked musicals and the whole song and dance. Live theatre was what drove me. A once in a lifetime situation. The you had to be there moments. An Actor can play a part and do a scene night after night over and over but no 2 performances are the same in live theatre. Why I moved to LA ? I didn't like to see pictures of me. My self confidence was not going to better by seeing video or film walking across the stage. Body issues..oh please. I was a chubby flabby girl. Not exactly fat, far from skinny. Average if average is layers of fat over my perfectly toned body. Yes we all have a skinny self inside us somewhere. I opted for LA where it's always a lovely 70 degree's and not a cloud in the sky. Where everyone has a car and every single car is on the 405 during rush hour. The 70's were a time of discovery for me. NYC would have been such a different world for this girl from Long Island. Sheltered and insecure. Bubbly and fun but scared and afraid. My group of friends were great but as the natural progression of life they all went away to college. HS was ending we were maturing...Gail went to Oberlin to be a lawyer or politcal giant, Beverly went to Oberlin to be an artist then went into dance. Sue was going to Purchase to be an artist, Scott went upstate majored in education but was going to be amazing as he was. Entertainment Scott. He's a big time producer but still Scott is the kid I would share a sandwich. Scott: ya wanna share an apple ? Scott: ya wanna share a meal ? He loves twofers. Now he pays for my lunch when we meet Dennis. Dennis...can't remember what school he went to but he became an accountant. An accountant for Henry Kissinger. Sally...my best friend and smartest person I knew. Was gonna be a meteroligist. She loved weather. She also was a physics major at Brooklyn Poly when she was one of 3 women accepted. Yup, smart girl stuff. She married and went to Binghampton. Married Sylvester Guiffrida who actually is a rocket scientist. She taught at the local junior college and sand in an all women's choir. She was my best friend and I miss her every day. Cancer took her about 3 years ago. But I talk to her ask her questions tell her about my life and my loves and my troubles and strife. She answers the same as she always did....so what's the problem ? Me...i went to acting school. I act. I recently was walking along in the 40's on the west side and passed The Actor's Studio. I posted a pic and said. I was supposed to go here...but left for LA and chose to have a family. It's what I did for love. It really was. I wanted a family a place to belong. A place where I always knew what my job was. No gray area. I had a goal. A mission. Have babies, let them grow up and be good, feed them, cloth them, teach them things, educated them, show them love and how to love. kiss the boo boo's yell at them when they're acting badly but never make them feel like they are bad or stupid or not good enough. Watch them become good humans. My job was a good one. I didn't always do it well. At times I know I did everything wrong. But no matter what I never would lose my job.
This brings us to now. I lost jobs, lost homes, lost keys and my  heart.  Then something happened.
It didn't matter. No crying in my beer. No desperate late night messages of loneliness.  I met someone.
The nicest words to say and hear. I met someone special.
It was a slow and steady romance and reluctant but weirdly consistent.
I have a nice job. Easier life.
Now I'm moving in with a boy.
Scared - yes. So is he. Are we brave ? yes. Life is a series of brave events. Firsts. I will always continue to have firsts.